Dr. Charlie Llama's

Research Korner

A Contribution from the Charlie Llama Research Institute (CLRI)

Charlie Llama in the Sun

Charlie Llama's Life:

Charlie Llama was born on July 14th during the Frumgitional Period (about 1223 BC). He was raised by his poor parents, Mama Llama and Papa Llama. Charlie had poor education and really loved learning. But the schools in Llamatown had the crappiest teachers and the good-for-nothing books. When young Charlie was 14, he decided to work in the farms and earn enough money to join a school he so longed to attend. This place was known as Bartimield's Academy for Ravenous Frauds (BARF). After 3 years of hard work, Charlie Llama graduated from BARF with a PhD. (Phool's Degree) and left his parents and homeland to become a professor at Harvard University, Boston. 

Now that he has been teaching for over 3000 years, Charlie has become middle aged and has retired from being a full time professor. He now devotes his time to teaching young llamas the ways of a llama so they can soon pass the information down from generation to generation. He lives in Boston ("Llama Central") with his pet birdie (Cracker) and his dog (Mr. Mouse).

Disclaimer:

I, Charlie Llama, will not be held guilty for anything that happens to you while viewing this site. Common side effects of viewing this site too long may include headache, diarrhea, abdominal pain, mental disorder, mental breakdown, heart attacks, or death. If you like to avoid these things, you should ignore this disclaimer and continue viewing the funky content of the Llama Underground Network.

- A message from the CLRI

SURGEON'S LLAMA WARNING:

This site contains causes of mental disorder or permanent brain breakdowns. You may feel pooped out when finished viewing this site. The Llama Underground Network contains harmful elements, which may turn you into a llama or cause serious llama problems. So, to ensure your good health, please tell your friends to go here for you, so they can become a llama and you don’t! (please don’t take this warning seriously!)

This message was brought to you by the National Llama Association (NLA).

Professor Charlie Llama's Guide to household pests:

How to deal with flies: To control flies in the house, spray "Charlie's Ever-Lasting Sooper Glu" on everything and leave it there forever. When flies start to crowd the area, just take a hose and wash them away. Tip: When washing the extra flies away be sure to spray more of the glue to ensure fly-free environments.

How to keep pesky kids from stepping on your lawn: Just spray "Charlie's Ever-Lasting Sooper Glu" on the lawn. If too many kids, dogs, or cats get stuck to the lawn, just pull them out and kick them out of your yard. Also, you may have to feed the stuck creatures otherwise the Llama Police will be on you!

How to deal with cat doo doo: At the nearest Wal-Mart you'll find Professor Charlie's newest invention, the Doo Doo Bot. This mechanism will solve your problem immediately, leaving your carpet stainless and odorless! Price: $199.99 Buy here! 

Books written by Charlie Llama:

Note: Don't bother to try to find these books in bookstores because they aren't there!

"Llama Matters" by Charlie Llama

"Llamas and Frendz" by Charlie Llama

"Llama in Llamatown" by Charlie Llama

"My Dumb Life" an autobiography by Charlie Llama

"Llamaland - the next frontier" by Charlie Llama

Incredible Events in History:

April 23 938 BC   . - Charlie Llama receives the Llama Prize Award for novel, "Llama and Frendz."

July 14, 234            - Charlie celebrates his birthday with friends.

October 15, 1998  - Charlie rights his Guide to household pests.

March 28, 2001     - Charlie gets the annual Academy Award for best director (yeah, right!).

February 31, 2002  - Charlie releases Doo Doo Bot for household improvement. He sold 5 billion units worldwide.

Research on Llamas through the years:

1. Llamas seem to like grass a lot

2. Llamas know how to talk

3. Llamas like to eat food.

4. All Llamas have their 60 inch HDTV set from Wal-Mart

5. Llamas don't like pests

6. Llamas always go to Llama sites like this one.

7. All Llamas look down on me.

8. Llamas like to download games from Waveworks.

9. Llamas enjoy movies and news

10. Llamas have very sophisticated brains.

11. All Llamas use the phone too much.

12. Llamas think about food all day.

13. Llamas dream about food all day too.

14. There are two kinds of Llamas as shown below:

Big Llama                                                                                                Small Llama

Llama Archives:

A collection of thoughts about llamas contributed by the common llamas. If you want to post your message here, just send me an email and I'll put it on! click here!

Why can't people get along as well as llamas do? All we do is go to war and kill each other. Llamas like the company of other llamas so they can talk about stuff. Also, llamas have a better government than humans. There are only 2 branches, the Paranoid Branch and the Oppressive Branch. These branches all have their own executives that don't do much. Llamas aren't meant to be laughed at. Please do make fun of llamas, because it may be the last thing you do! Never insult a llama too. They don't like bad language so don't swear at them either! 

- Contributed by Willard M. Llama

Llamas are the weirdest animals in their Phylum. They tend to have their own Phylum because they act so human-like with only a tiny brain. Most people would think that Llamas are the ugliest creatures on this planet. But they are WRONG! Llamas consider themselves as handsome, civilized creatures, unlike humans who go to war all the time. Llamas are very nice to each other. Even the bank-robber-llamas are really nice and ask nicely for a small amount of money to pay for food. With a strong government that has 2 branches (the Paranoid Branch and the Oppressive Branch), Llama society have more than enough money to give to these kind bank-robbers.

- Contributed by Bill (Llama) W. Llama

Have you ever noticed that all Llama's have a common last name? Yeah, except for the funky monkeys. They tend to want to be related to all other Llamas so they can get along easily.

- Contributed by John Llama

Credits:

I'd like to give all the credits from this page to myself, of course. I DISCOVERED EVERYTHING ON THIS SITE! And all of you folks out there who try to ruin my sophisticated research are going to have to face it. You can't do anything! Har har har!

This site was a contribution to the Charlie Llama Research Institute (CLRI). Thank you for reading and good night!!